Amy Sedaris: Very Smart
According to Amy Sedaris in her book I Like You - Hospitality Under the Influence, men like the following things:
- Meat
- Extra portions
- Pies
- Gravy
- Toothpicks
- Pussy
She knows her men pretty well.
"Professional cynic - but my heart's not in it."
According to Amy Sedaris in her book I Like You - Hospitality Under the Influence, men like the following things:
She knows her men pretty well.
So, for an event I'm planning this fall I've been reading a lot of Arkansas-centric hunting stuff. And, since it's turkey season right now, there's a lot of turkey talk. This makes me laugh. See, the turkeys are often called "gobblers." And, as we all know, a male bird is often called a cock. And, since I'm twelve, that shit is funny.
And then! And then I imagine Dr. Tobias Funke talking about it!
"Good morrow, all! Welcome to American Sportsman! I'm your host, Tobias Funke. Today I slip off my analrapist facemask and slip into a slinky little camouflage number. That's right, we're going hunting for the male wild turkey...or, as I like to call him, the 'cock gobbler.' Mmmm, I can practically taste the hot, wild cock gobbler in my mouth right now..."
Today, I heard Carrie Underwood's version of Home Sweet Home. Or, as I like to call it, Carrie Underwood hoists her skirts, squats, and takes a piss on a decent musical memory of mine.
Pope Benedict XVI, who is making his first papal visit to Africa, has said that handing out condoms is not the answer in the fight against HIV/Aids.
The pontiff, who preaches marital fidelity and abstinence, said the practice only increased the problem.
Tomorrow, the pope is set to denounce umbrella use in rainy weather. According to a copy of his statement leaked to the press, the pope will apparently declare umbrellas "fail to keep a person dry" and may in fact "make them much, much wetter. Sinful, dirty umbrellas."
Update: The Onion, as usual, says it better.
Contestant #1: "I'm dead, but I'm up walking around...I really want to eat your brains...there are a lot of movies about me and my people...going through life as a horrific shambling mound of rotting flesh isn't as cool as you'd think..."
Tony Randall: "Things a zombie would say!"
Bert Convy: "That's right!"
Contestant #1: [eats Tony Randall's and Bert Convy's brains]
And then I was all what? What did he say? Have I had a stroke? Lost my ability to understand the spoken language somehow?
But then I realized dude had started to sing in German, like you sometimes do. Lots of Ich lieben darkness plotzen wurst ach ach ach morte religioni. It sounds prettier when it's sung, I promise.
If you visit her site you'll notice she handles contempt issues. I asked her about this once.
"It says contempt on your card," I said.
"Right."
"Can you help me with that? 'Cause I feel so much contempt every day."
"It's not that kind of contempt."