Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Ibuprofen Jones

From a Times-Picayune article about a recent murder:

"Kenner police aren't sold on that motive but have obtained a warrant to book Advil Walker, 19, of 3564 E. Loyola Drive, with second-degree murder and three counts of attempted murder."

Police caution that he may be using his alias, so be on the lookout for a man calling himself Ibuprofen Jones.

We were on our way to a Thai restaurant some friends had suggested for dinner.

"I don't know about Thai food," Sonya said, "I just hope it's not all chicken heads and tofu."

"Now, now," I soothed her, "they probably have a whole section of their menu devoted to their non-chicken-head-and-tofu-eating patrons."

John and I were in the bathroom last night. I was running his bath, he was checking things out (Does the toilet flush? Check. Can I eat this noodle off of my shirt? Check. Can I reach the stuff on the counter? Check.).

Sonya used the iron yesterday morning and put it by the sink in the bathroom to cool. I was sitting on the edge of the tub and looked over to see John fondling the cord of the now-cold but still very heavy iron.

I gave him The Look. If you have parents, you've seen this look. If you are a parent, you've given it. I didn't know I could do it until I got a toddler - now I don't even have to think about it.

"Noooooo," John said as he grinned and let go of the cord. We were communicating!

Friday, March 04, 2005

Vomit, Feces

One night this week these two horrible things happened:

1. For Mardi Gras we decorated John's wagon with this long, multicolored tinsel-type stuff, all flashy and metallic. One night this week John decided the decorations needed to come off the wagon and be shredded. A long, narrow strip of this stuff ended up dropped in front of Roxy. Roxy eats everything that comes out of John's hands and she is very, very stupid. She gobbled the metallic strip of decoration down.

Not five minutes later Roxy's standing in the kitchen, head down, tail down, making the familiar "hup hup hup" sound of impending vomitude. Out came whatever bric-a-brac Roxy had eaten in the last few hours along with the decoration.

Which she proceeded to eat again.

This did not seem like a cycle I wanted to encourage. With just an inch or so of the thing hanging out of her mouth I bent down and yanked it out. I pulled and pulled and Roxy looked most distressed but finally it came out.

And that wasn't the worst thing that happened that night.

2. John was taking his bath. He was standing up and playing with his toys, as he is wont to do.

I don't know when it happened, but I looked down and there was a big piece of crap, floating in the water. Other, smaller pieces of crap bobbed up and down nearby. John was backing away slowly, not sure what this new thing was in his bath.

I wasn't sure how to handle it, but I knew I needed backup. I yelled for Sonya.

The combination of the yelling and the surprising appearance of organic filth in the tub was too much for John. He started wailing and will probably never poop in my presence again.

[Not true, of course. He's pooped several times in my presence since. Not in the tub, though. Therefore: Mission Accomplished!]

So Sonya held the wet and wailing boy while I bleached the tub and his toys. He was happy and smiling by the end of the bath. Hopefully we avoided the long-term psychological toilet-related damage.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

The Haircut

Haircut pictures

Nikki, John and I. Note John's flowing blond locks. Get a good look - soon they will be gone.

Haircut pictures

The cutting begins. John says "the attention is intoxicating."

Haircut pictures

The back is trimmed. John is amused with the proceedings.

Haircut pictures

John starts to express concern. "What is this place? Where is my hair going? Why is mommy taking pictures? Is this the bris I've heard the jewish kids talk about?"

Haircut pictures

Shawn: "A child? Receiving a haircut? In my establishment? Most unusual. The lad is well-behaved, though."

Haircut pictures

"This is the first step, father! Today I have golden curls, tomorrow I look like you!"

Haircut pictures

The sporty new haircut makes its debut in my mom's yard.

Haircut pictures

I went ahead and made John's first album cover. I didn't think he'd mind.

Haircut pictures

Puttering around the garage.