What you missed.

Yes, it's been a while, but when they say don't try to smuggle heroin out of Turkey? They mean it.

"People ask me if you're ever going to blog again," Sonya said the other day.

I shrugged. "I live in my own head a lot more these days."

Which, in retrospect, sounds all crazy and I-must-kill-the-queen.

So, since Novemberish, these things have happened:

• Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my grandmother's birthday at my sister's house.
  
• A thrilling Saints season, including their second playoff win ever and a heartbreaking loss in Chicago in the NFC championship game.
  
• Parties at our house for Christmas, New Year's, and those same Saints playoff games.
  
• I still like beer, but the day after a beer drunk seems to always leave me staring into the void. The deep, black void. I've switched to wine, and the results are positive.
  
• I've lost about 15 pounds since the end of February. This is mainly due to not eating like a fucking teenager.
  
• I've been to two formal events, and I looked especially fine both times.
  
• New contacts! New glasses! To my surprise, the world is not actually fuzzy and squint-inducing.
  
• There was a big night out for Sonya's birthday. Big.
  
• The family is headed to Orange Beach for a wedding this weekend. John and I are going to go fishing off the dock behind the library.
  
• I also got a guayabera to wear to the wedding. Combine that with the glasses and the short hair and I look like the company's man in Havana, circa 1950.
  
• The potty training is almost done. Nighttime is an issue, but John wears underwear to school with total confidence. This was done almost entirely on his own with nothing but gentle encouragement and positive reinforcement from his parents, because I was afraid if we made a big deal about toilet training he'd become a serial killer or wear women's underwear or something. So that's a big deal.
  
• I've spread lots of mulch and weed-n-feed in the past week. The yard is looking terribly weedy, and I'm hoping this helps.
  
• If you really want to keep up with me and my people, you should go over to myspace and befriend Sonya. She does a better job of staying up to date than I do.