The Hideous Sea Hag

Almost every morning on my way to work I see this old lady walking down Magazine and god-DAMN is she ugly.

[I just made myself laugh when I wrote that. The truth feels good!]

She's just a big freaking mess - horrible clothes, piggy, wrinkly face, flying dog-ass-red hair. And she's like, seven feet tall and four-hundred pounds, so you can't possibly miss her.

"It's the sea hag!" I yell in my car every morning that I see her.

"Oh, I'm kidding," I then say out loud to no one, "she doesn't really live in the sea."

And then I giggle my ass off.