Snacks

So I walk to the vending machines at lunch today to get a crunchy side-item to go with my PB and J and can of C2. The selection in these vending machines is limited, and rarely changes. Cheetos are always dependable. The Hooters hot-wing flavored chips have an odd citrus taste. Andy Capp's Hot Fries are spicy styrofoam, but pretty good.

Today I decided to try Onion-Os. Funyuns are good, right? I figured Onion-Os were like that. I put my fifty cents in the machine, watched the bag of snacks drop and opened the door.

Hoorah! Inside was not only my bag of Onion-Os, but a bag of tiny assorted cookies. Dessert with my lunch! I felt like a mill-yo-naire!

But it was all too good to be true. The Onion-Os were nothing like Funyuns. I opened the bag and was overwhelmed by the smell of the bucket my grandfather kept minnows in when he went fishing. I tried a couple, and they had a vaguely onion-y taste, true, but they also had the styrofoam texture of Andy Capp's Hot Fries without the spiciness. I couldn't eat them.

And the aftertaste is horrid, like I've eaten a lot of old potatoes fried in rancid oil. Yack.

[Other gross things I've eaten lately: we went to brunch with some friends on Sunday. It's not oyster season, really, and the oysters looked small and they'd been sitting on the buffet (on ice, though) for God knows how long but I decided I had to have one anyway. Awful. It was like licking the floor at the fish market.]

The free bag of tiny cookies saved the day. True, some of them had been splattered with frosting in a way that was unpleasantly reminiscent of birdshit, but they were all tasty. I'm almost certain it wasn't actual feces, 'cause those were the best ones!