Effluvia

Fight ignorance and misinformation like your idol, Harold. Get all the latest information on urban legends (especially those currently circulating) at the Urban Legends Reference Pages.

My friend, Jen, is a goddamned superstar. Here's the proof. The show closes this weekend and if you're in town you should really go see it.

You know what? We should rendez-vous.

And as long as I'm bootlegging: Ooh, ooh...Xanadu!

I love Cintra Wilson. In Salon today she goes after the Sex Pistols and Nancy Spungen with venom and intelligence. She's the best writer they've got over there, I think.

I saw this toy the other day, but I couldn't remember where it was, and then Beth grudgingly linked to it today. Her description is quite apt, except it's fun.

Apparently, Jesus was a vegetarian. I think this is a stretch, even for the crowd at PETA.




Bygone Days
Uncensored!

125 YEARS AGO
April 13, 1875

St. Elmo Commandery will perform in full uniform drill this evening at the exposition Building in Memphis.

The full uniform will consist of braided back hair and frilly little socks.

04/13/2000
We Love Bush

So Sonya gets an e-mail yesterday - the one circulating the urban legend about the gangbanger in the backseat waiting to rape a woman so he can be initiated or some such bullshit. It came from a former coworker of hers. I decided to fight ignorance by sending the following e-mail to every single person who had had that e-mail sent to them or had (much worse) forwarded it along:

Everyone,

I, too, received this e-mail today. It is NOT true. This is a commonly circulated urban legend that has been around, in one form or another, since the '60s.

Full information about this urban legend can be found at

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/madmen/backseat.htm

I can dispel this particular version of the story, because I live in Downtown Memphis and there simply is no such thing as a "Quik Trip" store in this neighborhood. Downtown is as safe as (and arguably safer than) any other neighborhood in Memphis due to the concentrated presence of banks, businesses, government offices, tourists and police - including the jail, it's staff and the county sheriff's office.

While it never hurts to be careful and aware of your surroundings, this e-mail is baseless fear-mongering. If you've forwarded it already, please send those you forwarded the updated information.

So far no one has sent me a thank-you yet for giving them the correct information, but I have no doubt they're coming.




My boss took my coworkers and I to this slightly classy beer joint in Cordova tonight for dinner, 'cause we're pretty fuckin' fantastic. I went to the bathroom and saw a strange thing.

On the counter, by the sink, next to the little dispensers labelled "soap," were two more little dispensers labelled "mouthwash." There was a basket of tiny little cups next to each mouthwash spout. I took a little cup and put it under the spout and pressed down. Sure enough I got a little cup of mouthwash.

That is exactly what a bunch of drunken suburbanites need: mouthwash to cover up their beer breath. Minty breath makes drunk driving okay.




I stopped by CompUSA on the way home. I touched an iBook! I touched an iBook! The action on the keyboard is so smooth, and the touchpad is responsive - far more than any PC laptop I've seen. The screen, of course, is beautiful. If I ever get a laptop that's what it will be.

And I was walking out when I heard this Offspring song I'd never heard before coming out of this kiosk. I wandered over to it; it was this crazy taxi-driving game with all these songs custom-made for the game. Before I knew what I was doing I was tearing down the beach in San Francisco, running down pedestrians and blasting Bush out of the stereo. It was a good game.

Speaking of Bush, Sonya and I are going to see them Monday night at the Convocation Center in Jonesboro. Jonesboro? Whatever. Moby is opening, so it's a pretty hip show to be out in the sticks. Then Todd Snider at the Daisy next Friday and Kiss (with my sister Dawne) the week after that. Much live music. I'm pleased.

Dawn called me yesterday.

"I called mother and momo Saturday to ask them if you were in New York," she told me, "and Momo said 'Dawne, you know he's not.'"

"Well I think he is!" Dawne replied saucily.

I realized as I got on the plane Saturday morning (to go see Siobhan - gotta get that link in) that I didn't actually tell my family I was leaving town. I might have mentioned it in passing, but I never told them any specifics. Sonya told her parents, so if the plane had crashed they could have explained, but it would have been an awkward position for me if I weren't dead.




My friend Glen has a friend who, to express his disdain for people, tells them, "your father should have rolled over and shot you on the wall."

Jen, James and I were laughing over this phrase earlier. And Glen just sent me this joke. Enjoy. Won't you?

A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her.

Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off."

So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?"

The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again: a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders... She stopped him and asked about the baby's name, and he ran off.

Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off.

"What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have sex with her.

"What will our baby be called?!" she asked again.

After he was done, he took off his condom, tied it in a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... we'll call him fucking David Copperfield!"







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