05 July 2002


In Transit

As soon as we got on the plane, the flight attendant made the announcement.

"We need to inform you that there will be a mentally ill person on the flight today. We appreciate your patience and understanding in this matter.


The mentally ill person was a tiny old lady who was obviously blind and apparently crazy as a shithouse rat. Her first words as she was lead on to the plane by her burly, weary-looking nurse?

"I'm gonna die!"

This kept up from New York all the way home.

"Help!" she'd scream.

She tried to climb her way up the bulkhead in front of her. The nurse pulled her down. Occasionally you'd see her arms shoot up in the air. The plane was half-empty, and people moved away from her in droves. Soon it was just her and her nurse, sitting at the front of the cabin.

"I'll be good!" she hollered.

It's pretty noisy on a plane, right? But you could still hear her thin screams over the roar of the jets.



"I'll be good!"

Finally we made it to Memphis and everyone scooted off the plane. Just as we were about to walk out to the parking lot we heard a security guard's radio crackle to life.

"Help!" the radio screamed, "help! I'll be good!"