The cold weather has descended on New Orleans.
And it's funny, because it's all anyone can talk about. The newspaper has had headlines like "NEW ORLEANS IN DEEP FREEZE" even though it's only a few degrees below freezing. And the TV news has been in an absolute frenzy, devoting Team Coverage to the developing weather situation - there's no ice or snow, mind you, just cold. All of the power of the Super Doppler 12000 has been aimed at this weather to keep us informed.
Jesus, it's just cold, people. Here's what you need to do:
That's it. It's not news. It's just a little cool.
I point this out to my coworkers and they say, "well sure, Harold, it's not a big deal for you since you're from up north."
One woman in the elevator today said, "you must be from up north."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Because you have an overcoat."
Now, after an accusation of Dirty Filthy Yankeeism I can't keep my sarcasm in check.
"Oh, yes," I say, "I'm from up north. Saskatchewan, Detroit, Chicago, Memphis. They're all in the same neighborhood."
Then I must instruct.
"No one who talks like me," I tell them, "is from up north."
Some New Yorkers regard everything west of the Hudson as insignificant, a backdrop for their teeming city. New Orleanians seem to have a similar myopia, making them think that everything north of Lake Pontchartrain is the ice-bound home of eskimos and all the inhabitants of that frozen wasteland are busy building igloos and playing hockey.
As we all know, only Canada is actually like that.
[I just heard Kylie Minogue's new single on the radio. Who cares if it was a hit in England last year? Pop music's finally getting something right.]