So I'm sick, and it's Thursday.

And now for the long version.

I went to the doctor Tuesday, unable to endure another day of constant, hacking cough. I like my doctor. He give a quick, cursory examination without too much touching, then prescribes lots of good drugs. Tuesday was no exception. Look in the ears, nose and mouth, feel the sinuses and listen to my breathing.

"You have bacterial bronchitis," he announced. Which sucks. I had bronchitis, off and on, my entire junior year of high school. That bronchitis, though, was in phlegm-y. This stuff is just dry and unpleasant. Still, it's better now, and that's all I care about.

The Nipple Incident has caused quite a sensation! My friend Christie called the other day, wanting to check on me. My friend Lauren said, "I actually had to skip over some of the reading." Now that's a compliment. My sister Dawne called this morning.

"I just wanted to say aaaaaaaaarrrrgggggh!" she told me. I love my sister.

I saw South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut last night. While it is certainly NOT for the kids (it definitely earns its "R" rating) it is, perhaps, the funniest thing I've ever seen in a movie theater. I can't recall ever laughing that hard at a movie. Never. It is profane and foul-mouthed and guaranteed to piss off Jerry Falwell, the Canadians and Brooke Shields. But that's okay, 'cause it's the funniest movie ever. Terrance and Phillip's song at the beginning ("Uncle Fucka," I think it's called) is worth the price of admission.

Speaking of movies, I also saw the trailer for Sleepy Hollow, Tim Burton's take on the Washington Irving story. I've always liked ol' Tim's work, but I think this one may be it: the blood-chilling gothic masterpiece he's been wanting to make his whole career. I wish y'all could have seen this trailer. Apparently, Johnny Depp (who else?) is Ichabod Crane, who is NOT a schoolteacher, but a COP from New York City. He's investigating this whole "Headless Horseman" thing. It looked so cool. That's the kind of movie that you go see at midnight so you can see all the freaks.

And, possibly, be one of the freaks...

So I went to this thing today, right? And we had a break this afternoon, so I set myself a little writing challenge: one side of one sheet of paper, fast as you can. And it had to be porn, which I've never really written before. Here's what I came up with. I think it has a certain smiling carnality about it, don't you? I like it.

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