03/24/99
Mixed Media

First, I got this picture out of a local alternaweekly. The picture was taken in front of one of my favorite restaurants.

I've often wondered just how the Easter Bunny gets all those eggs. I don't want to eat any more of them, though. Perhaps this is where the chocolate eggs comes from.

Moving on, NATO is now bombing the living dogshit out of Kosovo. In theory, I agree with this. The United States needs to do a bit of dickswinging every now and then, and Iraq is so 1991. I do have some problems with this, though.

First, at some point yesterday it was decreed (on CNN, no less) that the bombing would commence soon. Now, I'm no military strategist or anything, but that seems, to me, to be something you might want to keep secret, at least until after the fact. Why didn't the NATO guys say, "oh yeah, we're gonna work it all out. No need to fight. We got this thing figured out. Nope, no bombs." Them BAM! Right between the motherfuckin' eyes. If you tell the press, guys, word tends to get out.

And today, President Clinton said, "by acting now, we are upholding our values, protecting our interests and advancing the cause of peace."

Advancing the cause of peace by bombing some postcommunist burg back to the stone age? "Yes, sir, to save the village we had to destroy it."




Has anyone out there seen the new Old Navy commercials? Don't get me wrong, now, I love those purveyors of Fashion o' the Moment, and they do have some kick-butt weekly sales. That's beside the point. Their clothes are cool and comfy, right? Maybe too comfy. Their latest new item is drawstring pants. What could be more comfortable?

I think this is a slippery slope. Soon Old Navy will have us wearing comfy cotton sacks. Two arm holes and a head hole, and no uncomfortably binding belts or such things.

"These sacks are marvelous!" that scary old woman with the freaky glasses will proclaim, "they flow, and they're so comfortable! I adore them!"




Zovirax. It's the herpes drug, you know? The commercial frustrates me.

"I've got herpes. But take a drug five times a day? I've got a life."

Yeah, honey, apparently you had too much of a life or else you wouldn't have herpes, right? And let me tell you something else. I bet if you've got running sores on your genitals you'll smear monkey butter on them ten times a day if it'll make the disease clear up, right? Can you believe the gall of these people?

"I want my herpes to go away, but taking all those pills takes too much time."

You really should have thought about that before kissin' on that guy with all the cold sores, huh?




The Tennesse legislature passed the road kill bill. For those of you that haven't heard - and apparently it's been quite the news item - this bill will allow people to take home and eat an animal (a deer, for example) if they should hit it with their car and kill it.

We might as well put up signs at the border that say:

WELCOME TO TENNESSEE
Home of Vice President Al Gore
PLEASE MAKE ALL THE
HILLBILLY JOKES YOU LIKE





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