Effluvia

Just fascinating.

Funny. Mean, but funny.

Bygone Days
Uncensored!

125 YEARS AGO
July 7, 1875

It is announced that all Memphis churches will suspend services during this mid-summer hot weather.

"Hooray!" say the people of Memphis.

Boss Kenny

"The good news is that I'm gonna grow my beard out like Karl Marx. The bad news is you're all probably going to be fired. Politics, you understand."

I was a bit...anxious, let's say, about something last night. Sonya ordered Chinese take-out, but I couldn't eat. I just drank beer and smoked and talked on the phone to friends and family about the thing that's worrying me. Then we watched Good Will Hunting.

Me, half-drunk: "this script is so good."

I woke up this morning with the combo hangover/hungry headache. It went away quite quickly, though, once I drank some tea and ate a PB&J sammich.

Don't worry about what was bothering me last night, Dear Readers. It's a good worry, not a bad worry. I'll explain it all to you very shortly, I promise.

I was at lunch today with a bunch of coworkers. Unfortunately, most of them were discussing computer crap, though, so Dave and I started talking the usual crap.

"I finally looked up Debi Diamond on the web the other day," Dave said, talking about a porn star who bears a striking resemblance to another coworker of ours, "apparently, she's a voracious cocksucker."

"Voracious cocksucker," I said aloud, "there's a phrase you don't hear at lunch every day."

After lunch me and Dave and Trey we went to Starbucks (there's a new one out here in the white bread ghetto; hurrah.) to kill an hour or so.

Dave, whose dinner did not agree with him at all, had to visit the bathroom at Starbucks several times and farted massively once he finally rejoined us.

"I bet you'll write about this, won't you, Harold?" he said, "Dave farts in public."

So there you go. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Also, we observed a strange exchange in the parking lot outside. Picture it, if you will: an old, pappaw-type man guides a car into a parking spot. The old man, who is white, proceeds to open the car's trunk, walk over to a pile of bricks, ans start loading the bricks into the trunk. After an arbitrary number of bricks are loaded, he shuts the trunk and walks around to the driver's window. A long, slender, manicured black hand appears, which the old man proceeds to hold, fondle and kiss.

We watched this closely.

"What is this?" Dave demanded.

"What exactly are we seeing here?" I asked.

"You could watch this parking lot for a week and not see anything like this again," Trey noted.

After a brief time of hand-fondling the car drove away - the two young women inside chatting and laughing animatedly - while the old man trudged off to his truck across the parking lot.